I am not surprised by saying that my performance went by like a flash. Though the morning felt like it went on forever, the ten minutes that I was performing felt only like seconds. Timing was a worry I often had when rehearsing as I was concerned my performance may not be long enough. Though I rehearsed and rehearsed it was difficult for me to predict how long the silences would be and where which they would fall. Due to the script reflecting hidden meanings I was keen to let it flow naturally and I wanted the audiences reactions to heavily influence the rhythm which the performance would take.

In my morning rehearsal I was faced with the problem that the bed in which I was expecting was no longer available to use which left me with just a mattress on the floor. At first this worried me as I felt it would cheapen the performance however on reflection this helped the audience to see my full face even when laying flat. I was keen to portray a real bedroom environment so took a simple lighting choice of having my own bedside lamp next to me. Though this worked as I hoped it would, it was suggested that I have a soft blue gel lighting me from the front to ensure that I could be fully seen, Though I was unsure of this at first, I was very happy with the end result which did not deter from the bedroom atmosphere I wanted.

Though I did not steer at all away from my script, I feel that my performance could have been better. Thankfully my audience could not see my legs shaking under the duvet but I felt much more nervous than I expected to. I put this down to this being my final performance and the fear of the unknown – what if I’ve got completely the wrong idea? I was happy with my decision to include a ticking clock and feel it was right to my performance to just have this as a sound effect. Though I had always envisioned a projection of a ticking clock behind me I came to ask – who has a giant ticking clock in their bedroom? Though I stand by my piece as a worthy performance I wanted to stay away from creating an aesthetic ‘performance’ look, my script was very honest and I wanted its realism to show.

I found that at times during my performance my voice would shake as I felt emotional at points that I did not expect to. I am not at all disappointed by this as it reassured me that I felt true to my script and that I believed what I was saying. I have previously been praised for my positive outlook on life and even the worst of things and I hope that I was able to present this positivity in the way in which I see it – realistic.

I have recieved great feedback from a number of people that came to watch my performance to which I am extremely grateful for. Overall I was happy with my effort and am grateful to the module for enabling me to take any path in which I have wanted to. Though I was anxious before performing, my solo performance was not in any sense as daunting as I first imagined it may be. Solo performance has strengthened my independence, reassured my confidence while allowing me to perform a piece that is close to my heart. Through my performance I wanted to test time and the notion of waiting. It is something that we live our lives by and something that will carry on long after we are gone. I hope that I was able to credit this while also including an autobiographical detail through a personal hidden message.

Audience enter and take their seats. Lights go down and the performance begins.

Silence until it becomes awkward.

What difference does the time make?

It’s not time yet.

It is something that we cannot control yet we let it control us.

What is time?

It was coming. I knew that, but time carried on, it felt normal.

Then I knew.

They asked me if I was scared – why would I be scared? It’s going to happen sooner or later and there is nothing at all that I can do about it. Only time can tell.

Why is it that when you’re waiting for something to happen – good or bad – that the wait feels much longer than it actually is?

I’m not scared of world wide problems – not because I don’t care but because there is nothing that I can do to stop them. So why would I spend my time worrying and dwelling on them when instead I can just sit and wait for the time to come.

Why does time decide when the wait should be over?

It is just ticking away and we just let it. We don’t have a choice, do we?

Time felt different, slower. That’s when I knew.

Why is it that when you’re waiting for something – good or bad – that the wait feels much longer than it actually is?

If it creeps up on you and you are left feeling guilty that it slipped your mind, you feel conscious staring at it to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.

It feels different even though it’s the same. Depending on the day, the hour, the minute – time changes how we feel.

I knew.

What are we waiting for?

What is time?

What does time feel like?

We are sad when it happens but we shouldn’t be. The worst has already happened – the wait is now over. We feel sorry for ourselves because we would rather wait than face up to the fact that it has already passed. As one passes the wait for another begins, but we cannot spend our next bit of time worrying or waiting for it to happen.

Are we just waiting for time to run out?

It feels different now.

We just wait, but what are we waiting for?

Time will only stand in the way if we let it and either way it will carry on with or without us.

Time decided that it was the ‘right time’ and we just have to accept it.

As one passes the wait for another begins, but we cannot spend our next bit of time worrying or waiting for it to happen.

I turn off the bedside lamp and fall to sleep.

The Beautiful South – Have a little time plays as the audience exit.

Works Cited
Image from Googe Images. Google Image Search: ‘After you die it is believed 7 minutes’. Online: https://www.google.co.uk/imghp?hl=en&tab=wi Accessed on: Sunday 12 May 2013

Samuel Beckett’s infamous Waiting for Godot has spurred my imagination with respect to a rhetorical question I ask during my performance: What are we waiting for? I see this to be the question that Beckett was asking throughout his play however I think it is a question that does not have an answer.

David Smith says something very interesting of the two characters in the play: ‘They are in no particular time or place – nowhere and everywhere’ (Online, 2009). The idea that they are nowhere and everywhere fascinates me as I feel it describes time exactly. Though time can feel different to us all, and it can vary depending where in the world we are, it is everywhere. If we are experiencing a sleepless night, time seems to stand still. A minute feels like an hour, like it is going nowhere and we are just left to wait. The characters in the play know that Godot is not coming yet time tells them that they must wait, even if they are left waiting for nothing to happen. As my performance explains, it is the wait that takes the most time, no matter what it is that we are waiting for.

Though it represents a rather morbid response, my performance brings to light whether we are just waiting to die. Though we choose not to think of it like this, what else are we living for? We are born and one day we will die. It is the fact of life, yet it is not up to us when this will happen, only time will tell. While we are sad when this happens to a loved one, we shouldn’t be. We are sad because we think that something bad has happened to someone we love but in reality the bad bit happened a long time ago. If someone becomes ill you are left to wait and this is the hard bit. Watching someone suffer and waiting for the ‘worst’ to happen. It may be the worst for us but for the person who passes it is the best and this is what we should remember. We feel sorry for ourselves but we shouldn’t. The wait is over and that is the best thing for everyone.

I will leave this post with a quote from my script: ‘As one passes the wait for another begins, but we cannot spend our next bit of time worrying or waiting for it to happen’.

Works Cited
Smith, David. (2009). The Guardian, The Observor. Online: http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2009/mar/08/samuel-beckett-waiting-for-godot Accessed: Friday 10 May 2013.

Image from Google Images. Google Image Search: Waiting for Godot. Online: https://www.google.co.uk/imghp?hl=en&tab=wi Accessed on: Friday 10 May 2013.

Due to my performance developing at speed over the past couple of days, I felt anxious that many things about my performance had changed so drastically that my script needed major alterations. Although the basis of my performance is the same, I now want the focus of the text to revolve around time, life, and how much of our lives we spend waiting. I will address what it is to wait and how time restricts and regulates our everyday lives. Time is crucial to us but is something I feel we take forgranted on a daily basis. It is something that we have to live with and often live by so we therefore accept it – even at times when we could possibly have more control over it than we think.

At the beginning of my performance I will sit, in position, in silence while my audience wait for me to begin. I have not put a time restraint on how long I will sit and wait as I want to experience the awkwardness that I hope my audience will feel in the moment. In doing this, I hope that the audience will later question what it is to wait and feel the essence of time within this.

I will play with repetition in my performance to create the effect of going back in time. I will do this with both movements and text but will approach this in a way that I hope will not irritate the audience but make them realise that time is being played with.

I believe that in many situations, both good and bad, that the worst time is having to wait and this is something I hope to play with through my performance.